The Things the French Got Wrong

Image: Waldo

My self-prescribed mission was to embrace French culture as far as is possible while in Bordeaux. My assignment thus far has been fairly successful; I buy bread most days from the Boulangerie, I spend 5 minutes kissing all my colleagues every morning and I’ve completely forgotten how to drive smoothly. However, as much as I am enjoying temporarily denying my true nationality, there are some things that I miss about Blighty…

QWERTY Keyboards. I fully accept that other countries should use other keyboards to fit with their languages. Accents are common in French, so therefore putting an é on the keyboard makes sense. However, banishing a full stop from its place causing it to be impossible to find is frustrating and being rid of a £ sign when constantly needing to write prices in English is infuriating. Needless to say, within a week, Amazon.fr was my new friend and the AZERTY keyboard was exiled to the shelving unit.  

Strikes. I know that we’re not entirely innocent of this at home, but the French take it to the extreme. The news must be checked daily to ensure that public transport is all running smoothly and an extra 20 minutes must always be left just in case. I found it particularly amusing when I was in Paris 2 years ago and there were large strikes over raising the retirement age from 60 to 62. In England, it’s currently 65. I kept my mouth shut…

Sundays. It may be unfair to say that the French get Sundays wrong, perhaps it is fairer to suggest that they simply haven’t updated their Sunday system along with the rest of us yet. If you wake up on a Sunday morning without anything in the fridge, you have two choices; no food or restaurant food. Shops still believe in a full day off in the south west, however, it may be interesting to note that the wineries are all open…

The Internet. The only one of my list that has actually been less of a nuisance and more of an annoyance. Our internet provider was genuinely proud of the fact that they take less than two weeks (10 days specifically) to deliver the box after we purchased the internet. When I, and the Austrian girl I was with, explained that our internet at home is installed immediately, I think they got a little bit offended…

As much as I have now become a regular user of the phrase, ‘this would never happen in England’, I imagine that the moment I step off the plane and step into a long queue back home, I shall utter the words, ‘this would never happen in France…’ 

Why You Should Spend All Your Money On A Skiing Holiday

Insert some sort of 'on the piste' joke...

We all know that a trip to the French Alps is not exactly the cheapest way to spend your holidays and perhaps not the most important use of your student loan. However, I hope to persuade you that if you find yourself with a tiny bit to spare or you need an (energetic) break from uni, a ski holiday is the answer.

The Mountains. Exams getting you down? Dissertation looming? Fresh air is obviously what you need! I’m not talking about the untouched fumes of the countryside, but the refreshing sparkle of snow and the glint of a freshly pisted double black diamond run. 

The Alcohol. Almost as important as the skiing, some might argue that it is more so, is the necessity to party and to make sure you get as little sleep as is humanly possible during your week away. Not only do you party like it’s 1999 (apparently that’s a song?) but you discover a whole host of drinks that you aren’t allowed to even sniff when back home. Toffee Vodka? Yes please. Smirnoff Ice? Totally socially acceptable when abroad! 

The Humiliation. Watching people fall over is funny. Falling over is quite funny. Causing people to fall over is pretty funny. Trying to do a CAB 1440 MUTE  (that’s a freestyle ski jump apparently) and then bailing is pretty funny, providing you don’t break any vertebrae in the process…

The Competition. There is no way of denying it, when skiing with friends, there’s a battle to be the best. Luckily enough, you can just about get away with whispering expletives under your breath while dropping that cliff without anyone hearing your cries of fear. You may be completely terrified, but you will have secured your place as the most outrageous skier to all those watching and can go home with your head held high (as well as your broken arm). 

Image: LA Observed

5 Ways to Avoid Procrastination

Image: A Writer's Journey

It is that time of year when university students have spent all their Christmas money, gained a few pounds having enjoyed home cooked food far too much and are starting to fear the looming January exams. Procrastination is at an all-time high, visibly demonstrated by the sheer numbers of people on Facebook chat and the abuse of the Facebook status. As a fellow sufferer, I have tried to discover a few simple steps in order to battle this terrible affliction. 

Tea Breaks. One of my most successful ways of avoiding the random need to get up and wander around is to decide when I am going to take my tea breaks (or booze breaks for those in desperate need) before I start working. Knowing that I have an end-point certainly helps me concentrate. 15 minutes to go…10 minutes to go… 5 minutes to go… break… 1 hour 30 to go… and so on. NB if you decide you need abnormally common tea breaks, you might need to factor in loo breaks as well…

Website Blockers. I have recently had my attention drawn to these God-given gifts that have the power to disarm you from Facebook/Twitter/YouTube for a certain period of time of your choice. LeechBlock for Firefox or WebsiteBlocker for Chrome are good examples of programmes that can block the websites that your procrastination habits abuse. If extra precautions are to be taken, ask a friend to set the password. NB unless you don’t mind a fairly severe frape, I suggest you carefully consider which friend to ask…

To Do Lists. This one may sound obvious, but rather than face a mountain of notes in one go, it may be easier to set yourself lots of little tasks. Particularly satisfying if you write a list of tasks at the beginning of the session and then get to tick them off as you go. Learn 2 equations: tick. Read 10 pages: tick. Repeat 2 equations: tick. NB abuse of this rule may lead to time wasting… 

Rewards. Working is hard, revising is really hard and exams are horrible. Encourage yourself to work harder by treating yourself if you are productive. Learnt 20 pages of notes? Watch a movie. Finished that essay? Have an ice cream. Didn’t go on Facebook for an entire day? Celebrate. NB Try to avoid rewards that involve alcohol, working is already hard enough.   

Do Not Start A Blog. But if your body needs its procrastination fix, I suppose you could read this one.

Time for Tea or to Bust out the Booze?

Image: Olhar-43

After a surprisingly popular post about different levels of drunkenness (to be found here), I had a thought about the differences between when you need a cup of tea or when all that will suffice is something much stronger. The difference between the desire for a warm cuppa to calm you down compared to the desperate times of the dangerously fleeting statement, ‘hand me the vodka’. Whether your tea comes in the form of classy chamomile or bog-standard breakfast, we often feel the need for a brew. Just occasionally, things fall so out of hand that a bottle of whatever has been sitting on the kitchen counter for far too long is the only thing that you are craving… 

Tea:    You know that test/essay/dissertation that you worked super hard on and completely freaked out about to all your friends? Pass the brew, you got a 2:2.

Booze: Yup, you failed- time for the voddy.

Tea:    You know that friend who has been worrying you lately with all the things that seem to be going wrong and you want to help but you just don’t know how? A calming cup of delicious tea will get your cogs turning to help you give the best advice.

Booze: You know that friend who has been driving you nuts with their drama and you just don’t care? Wine could help, but dependant on the amount of commotion- you might need something stronger.

Tea:    You know that person you quite fancy and they’ve starting going out with someone else? A nice infusion with a friend might take your mind off things.

Booze: You know that person you quite fancy who hooked up with your flatmate/someone ridiculously hot/your sibling? Bring out the booze, get your buzz on and show them who’s fabulous. N.B. This one is always a mistake. 

Or you could solve all these dilemmas the way the Irish do, mix the booze with the brew.